Spring time

Spring time is one of my favorite seasons, minus the allergies.  I love seeing the renewal of the trees and flowers.  It always reminds me that we can also go through dark periods in our lives, where we feel dead like the trees appear  in winter.  But in spring, the buds come out on trees and flowers bloom again.  Our lives can sometimes need a revival and a renewal too.  Spring time is a perfect time to realize that we sometimes need to renew our spirits also.   I am so grateful to my wonderful family and friends, who are always there and give me such love all of the time.  I am truly blessed!!

My Grandma, Ma

UK just won their eighth National Championship last night.  That started me thinking about my grandmother, my Mom's mother, who we called Ma.  She loved sports, mostly baseball and basketball.  I can remember her going to bed at night with a transistor radio in the bed with her, listening to the Reds play baseball.  Now I can watch some baseball games on TV but I could never listen to them on the radio.  She was a 'dyed in the wool' Reds fan.  She also loved basketball.  I remember her taking me to Lafayette high school basketball games.  She was a unique and remarkable woman.  She and my grandfather divorced during the great Depression when my Mom was just a child, I think around 5 or 6.  Ma had to raise Mom and her brother, Tommy, without any help from Grandaddy because he didn't have any money to help her.  Mom told me that growing up they were poor; they only had one bed and all three of them slept in it.  Ma made all of their clothes; Mom didn't have a 'store bought' dress until she was in high school.  They didn't have a lot of material things but they did have a lot of love.  Mom told me a lot about her high school years, when she played clarinet in the Henry Clay High School band.  Ma would go to every football and basketball game to see Mom play in the band and maybe this is where she got her love of sports.  Mom said that her friends would come back to their place and roll up the rugs in the living room and put on records and dance.  Her friends really enjoyed that and they really liked Ma.  I remember that Ma had lots of old 33 rpm records in a desk-like cabinet,  in the bottom of the cabinet in big book-like holders that had maybe 10 records in each.  There were over 100 records in there.  Ma could make and sew anything.  She didn't need a pattern.  She could just take measurements and make beautiful dresses.  I had the best dressed dolls in the world.  She knitted sweaters and hats for my dolls and made them dresses.  She sewed dresses for Judy and me all of the time.  Even when we lived in Florida, she would get our measurements and sew dresses and mail them to us.  She was also a great cook.  Her 'light rolls', which we call yeast rolls now, were so light they would melt in your mouth. She would make fried apple pies that were the best I've ever had.  She canned preserves and jam and made the best jam cake in the world.  I was the first grandchild so I got to spend lots of time with her.  She would take me to her sisters and brothers houses, my great aunts and uncles, and they would play cards well into the night; mostly pinochle and canasta.  Lots of laughter and family fun.  She lived at 132 Rand Avenue, a street off of North Limestone, between 5th and 6th street.  Spaulding's Bakery was on the corner of 6th and Limestone and on Saturday mornings she would watch me cross the street in front of her house and then I could walk to the bakery without having to cross any more streets and get donuts and sweet rolls and bring them back.  She had an old 1953 Chevy without a radio.  But never fear, we were never without music.  She sang all the time in the car, mostly gospel songs, like the Old Rugged Cross and Bringing in the Sheeves (I never did know what sheeves were and still don't).  She was a large woman, and her love of all of us was bigger than she was.  She worked at the Narcotic Hospital, as it was called then on Leestown Road, as a switchboard operator and a typist.  She could go to town on one of those old Smith-Corona manual typewriters.  She was a happy person and never met a stranger.  I remember going shopping with her to Montgomery Wards downtown and all of the sales persons knew her by name.  She was always a glass is half-full person.  No matter what the situation, she would find good in it.  She passed this on to my Mom and hopefully, I have been able to pass this on to my children.  Jennifer gave me one of the best compliments I have ever received and one that makes me proud and happy.  She told me this recently when we were having a discussion.  She said "Thanks for raising us to see the good in things, to always see the glass half-full." That was only one of the goods thing I got from my Ma and my Mom.  They helped me to see the good in others and to always give the benefit of the doubt to people and situations.  They raised me to treat all people as equals, even in the horribly racial days of the 50s and 60s. They raised me to believe in God and to put him first in my life.   They were both the best role models I could have had.  I hope I can pass on some of these life's lessons to my children and grandchildren over the years.  They would both be so happy to see how our family is today.  Jennifer was only 6 months old when Ma passed away.  For the last 6 months of her life, Jennifer was the light of her life.  She was in a nursing home in Nicholasville and John and I would go to visit her every Sunday after church.  She loved seeing Jennifer and I truly believe that those visits made her last months on this earth happier.  Even though Ma and Mom are gone from this earth, they are truly alive in my heart and my memories.  Death can take away their physical bodies from this earth, but it can never separate their love and memories from me. 

Cat Scan

Mom is always with you

As I was driving home to change clothes and go to the hospital for work tonight, I was listening to the radio.  I usually listen to my IPhone music in the car but for some reason today, I turned on the radio, and to a station I don't usually listen to.  I was a little misty-eyed after my earlier blogging message about  Mom.  Then I heard a song on the radio that made me feel like she was listening to my thoughts and wanted me to hear her through that song. This may sound crazy to some, but it made perfect sense to me! The song was Phil Collins' You'll be in My Heart.  I looked up the words when I got home, and these are some of the words:

Come stop your crying, It will be alright, just take my hand and hold it tight

I will protect you from all around you I will be here Don't you cry

My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm, this bond between us cannot be broken I will be here Don't you cry

Cause you'll be in my heart, yes you'll be in my heart from this day on now and forever more

When destiny calls you, you must be strong cause I may not be with you

You'll be in my heart, no matter what they say, you'll be in my heart always always

yes, I'll be with you, cause I'll be there for you always, always and always

Just look over your shoulder, just look over your sholder, I'll be there for you always. 



I can feel the love and tender arms of my Mom through this song today.  I am thankful to be her daughter. Love you Mom.

Anna Time

Anna is coming to visit GiGi this weekend for an overnight visit.  I am so excited.  It is also the beginning of spring break!  Anna always brings hugs and kisses and smiles when she visits!  She is so much fun! I can't wait until she sees her new play area.  She will be so excited!! And I figured out how to upload pictures to the blog!  I enjoy being with my family so much.  I am so glad that Michael and Jennifer are living in Lexington now and that Mike and Jen and Anna are just a short drive away. 

I am still working on my Mother-of-the-groom diet and am doing pretty good.  I finally broke down and got a new scale but it is one you have to program, so it will take me a while to figure it out.  I am getting excited about the wedding and Jen and I are doing the shower in three weeks! That is also exciting!  I am so happy for Michael and Jennifer.  I couldn't ask for better daughter-in-law.  I am so happy for them. 

More of My Mom

Well, I tried to do a spell check on my last post and somehow messed it up and couldn't continue typing on it, so I am starting a new post to finish my thoughts.  When I think back on my childhood, my Mom is the rock that made me who I am today.  She loved unconditionally, but she would be honest with you and tell you the way she viewed things.  I wouldn't have the career that I have if it wasn't for her.  I wanted to quit college and she told me I would have to get a better job than working at a pharmacy for minimum wage.  And I didn't have any skills so I decided to go back to college and try the radiography program.  No matter what happened in our lives, we always knew that Mom was there for us.  She was so wise and so comforting.  I wish everyday that I could just talk to her one more time.  Just talking to her made me feel better.  I am so glad that Jennifer and Michael got to know her and that Jennifer is telling Anna about her namesake.  My Mom would be so honored to have her great-granddaughter named after her.  Even though she is gone from this earth, she is not gone from our lives.  I still her voice in my head everyday.  Jennifer, Michael and Leah used to have NaNa-sayings and they will always be part of us.  Her wisdom and compassion and love will always be with me, in my heart, soul and mind.  She still lives on everyday through all of us, brothers and sisters, grandchildren and now great grandchildren.  She would be so happy that we are still close to one another and that we support one another in all that we do.  I see her in beautiful days, rainbows, smiles on my brothers' and sister's faces, through Jennifer and Michael and Anna.  It is the circle of life in perspective.  My wish is that I can have half of the wisdom, courage and knowledge that she possessed in her lifetime and that I can pass on part of her to the future generations in our family.  She made the world a much better place for all of us and I am proud to have been her daughter.  I love you  Mom, 

My Mom

Today is my Mom's birthday.  She was born on March 6, 1925.  Her mom was Daisy Belle Robertson McAfee, my grandmother, that we called Ma.  I was the first grandchild so I got to spend a lot of time with Ma when I was growing up.  She was a wonderful grandmother.  But that is a story for another time though.  This is the story of my Mom.  She was the oldest child and had a younger brother named Tommy.  My grandmother and grandfather divorced when my mom was young, around 5 or 6 I think.  That was during the Great Depression and my grandmother had to support them because my grandfather didn't have any money to help support them.  My mom grew up not having much, she didn't have a "store bought" dress until she was in high school.  They all slept in the same bed growing up because that is all they had.  They didn't have much money but they had a lot of love and had fun.  Mom played the clarinet in the school band at Henry Clay High School; it was on Main Street then,  where the Board of Education building is now.  She went to all of the football games and marched with the band.  Ma drove to the games and Mom had lots of friends that would ride with them.  They would come back to Ma's and rolll up the rugs in the living room and dance the night away.  My mom loved people and enjoyed doing things like that.  She graduated from high school in 1942, which was the beginning of WWII.  My grandma worked as a typist and switchboard operator and my mom started working in a office, I forget the name right now, but I remember it was on Limestone street in a building called the Dunn building.  She would show me the building sometimes.  Her best friend was Charlotte Gordon.  They were friends all through high school.  Charlotte wanted to go to nursing school.  With the war, they were needing more nurses and Charlotte talked Mom into applying to the St. Joseph School of Nursing.  It was on Second Street then and when you were in nursing school then, you stayed in a dorm. That dorm is now the Jefferson Center.  The old hospital, which is where I was later born, is the retirement home across the street.  Mom said she almost gave up when she was trying to learn the anatomy but Charlotte kept quizzing her and she wouldn't let her quit.  Nursing was very different then than it is today.  My Mom used to say she was a 'BC' nurse, before computers! She was the nurse that actually spent time with patients, gave them baths and rubbed lotion on their dry skin and listen to their concerns.  She was also a great IV starter.  After she graduated from nursing school she worked at Eastern State and then started working at the VA hospital, the one on Leestown Rd.  That is where she met my Dad.  He was older than she was by 8 years.  When he met her, he told his friend who worked with him, Earl, that he would marry her some day.  From the first date they went on, they were together every day Mom told me.  She said when Daddy called on day and wanted to come over to see her, she was ironing and it was hot and she was sweating, but she said if he didn't mind that he could come over.  He came over to ask her to marry him and she said if he could love her when she was looking like that he must really love her.  They got married on October 1, 1949 at the church on the corner of Rand Avenue and Martin Luther King Blvd.  I don't remember the name of the church but I know it was a Baptist church.  They had their honeymoon in the Smokie Mountains.  I remember when we would drive to Florida, we would drive by a little restaurant in London, KY that she told me that was where she and daddy had their first meal as a married couple.  She also showed me where they stayed on their honeymoon in the Smokies one time when we stopped there on our way to Florida.  I was born in January 25, 1951, then Judy (JuJu) came along in October 27, 1954, then Chuck in February 12, 1957, then Paul in July 11, 1960.  We lived in a lot of different places growing up.  Mom always worked and in those days, it was not as common for women to work outside the home.  And there were not as many conveniences as there are today.  Clothes had to be ironed, there were no microwaves, most food was made from scratch and Mom had to do everything.  I don't remember my Dad ever cleaning the house.  He did all of the outside work, mowing and painting and working on cars, etc.  It was a different time in those days.  But I know how much work my Mom had to do with four kids and working full time.  When we lived in Florida, Mom worked second shift and stayed home with Judy and Chuck during the day and Daddy worked days and the next door neighbor watched us from when Mom left for work until Dad got home.  I only saw her in the morning for breakfast and she was already gone to work by the time I got home from school.  She worked private duty then and worked every day, she never had a day off.  I remember crying to daddy to let me stay up til Mom got home because I missed her so much.  I don't know how she did it.  When we moved back to Kentucky, she started working the night shift and worked that for years.  She rearly go more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep

Making Progress

Well, I have lost 12 pounds so far!! I feel great about this.  Need to keep it up! I also made it to church on Sunday and to the gym.  So I feel like I have made some progress this week.  This weekend was great!! Jen and Anna came to visit and Michael and Jennifer came over and we went out for dinner at Ramsey's.  It was so good to have my children and granddaughter together.  This really boosted my spirits.  I love having my family together.  Anna is so cute and sweet and cheerful.  She smiles and melts my heart.  I can't wait for March 10th to see her again.  I hope the weather is still good and we can go for a walk maybe.  That is the weekend before spring break and I am really looking forward to that.  Maybe I can get some organizing done in the house and garage.  I can pull my car in but it is still tight, so maybe I can get rid of some of the junk.  This has been such a great winter.  I can't believe it has been above 60 degrees and sunny for the past few days.  Not that I am complaining but I hope winter doesn't wait until March to show us snow and cold temps.  We are learning a new computer system at the college today so that we can take all of our old x-ray films and scan them and store them electronically and view them on the computer monitor like the hospitals do now.  But this means I have to learn another computer system, and I am not the computer type.  Mom used to say she was a BC nurse, which meant Before Computers.  She would be amazed at how much is on computers now.  CBH is going to a paperless system and the doctors are entering all of their own orders in the computers and the nurses are doing all of their nursing notes on the computer.  I am starting to feel like her in that technology is moving too fast.  But I will go any learn as much as I can and hope that Shelley, who is younger and more computer savvy, can help me when I get stuck.  I am thankful today for another wonderful day and for all of my blessings. 

Making it one day at a time

Well, it has been one month since Keith and I split and so far, I am actually doing okay.  Not crying uncontrollably but some crying none the less. But I have decided that I am stronger than I thought.  I like my sister's Judy's statement to me when I told her about Keith and me and she said this, "Most people under estinate their ability to change themselves, and over estimate their ability to change other people." I have found this to be so true.  We think we are weak and can't do certain things, but when it comes down to it, I am just lazy and afraid to try for fear of failure.  I have struggled with my weight all of my life, and if I want to live long enough to see Anna and other possible grandchildren to adulthood, then I need to get my weight under control.  One of my worst fears is becoming my Mom with her weight problems.  Becoming my Mom in other ways is what I aspire to become.  She was a wise and wonderful woman, but her weight made her last few years on this earth difficult.  Her arthritis kept her in pain and her size kept her from having surgery for her aortic valve stenosis which caused her congestive heart failure and eventually, her kidneys failed and could not remove all of the fluid from her lungs which took her from this earth.  I miss her everyday and I know that she would be unhappy if I let this affect my future like it did hers.  So, if  I do not want this to happen to me, so I need to get crackin' and take off this weight for good.  So this week is Lent, and I went to mass on Wednesday and made a promise to Jesus and God that I would give up sugar for Lent and that I would promise to go to church each week in Lent, which of course is difficult, when I work every Sunday morning, so I will go on Saturday or Sunday afternoon or night.  I also made a promise to exercise at least 3 times each week.  I am going to make myself go today!!  I used to go every week but then I stopped and it is hard to get back into it.  I am kind of afraid to return to the gym because I am so out of shape and will be embarrassed when people see me trying to work out.  But I saw something on Facebook that said "your desire to change has to be more than your desire to stay the same." I don't desire to stay the same but it is easier than doing something to change.  I just need to keep my eyes on the prize of extending my life. And remember that I am strong and that if I put my mind to it, I can achieve most anything that I want in life.  It will also keep my mind off Keith and worrying about being all alone in life.  When I start to feel like I need a pity party in my honor, I remember Jennifer, Mike and Anna and Michael and Jennifer and I feel like I am so very lucky to have such a great family that loves me no matter how much I screw up in life and no matter how crazy I am.  I am so fortunate to have such loving children and granddaughter, and wonderful brothers and sister.  Judy has been my rock during the Keith leaving times.    And so far as I know, my health is holding it's own.  I pray for Jill daily for her continued improvement, especially for  her bone marrow stem cell transplant.  When I start to feel down, I open Jen's blog and look at Anna and I immediately feel better.  I am so happy that she is coming to visit tomorrow.  That will certainly keep me going for a while.  I am surviving at the college, since Sarajane is working on the golf scramble, we have something thst will keep is focused.  And Spring break is only a few weeks away!! Yay!!  I thank God for all of my blessings and I am grateful for all that I have in this world!!

Trying to keep moving forwrad

Well, it has been 10 days since Keith left.  I miss him and I am sure that Sophie and Punkin do.  They have been coming out to see me more and staying close to me, which probably helps them and me also.  You don't spend every day with someone for 5 years + and not miss them when they are gone.  I haven't heard from him and I know how stubborn he can be, so I am just moving forward and making it through today.  So I am posting my Just for Today saying that I got from Dear Abby, which she posts on New Year's Day every year.  I will try to live my life like this as best as I can.  I do not know what will happen to Keith and me in the future, but I can make it through today with God's help.  My friends and family are my strength.  When ever I feel down, I look at Anna on Jen's blog and play the video of her talking and it makes me smile.  I have such a great family and I am so blessed to have the wonderful children that I have.  Michael and Jennifer are coming over tonight to help me with the TV after the lightning took out the old ones.  It will make my day much brighter to see them.  I am thankful that both my children married or will soon marry wonderful spouses! I couldn't ask for a better son-in-law or daughter-in-law! I makes me happy to know that my children are happy.  When I think about Keith being gone, I am sad.  I wish he could understand my feelings but I am sure he doesn't understand my concerns about him.  But even though I am sad, I am keeping my head up and smiling.  We all only have today, we are not guarranteed tomorrow.  I will follow the plan in Just for Today and be happy for all that I have and not be sad. 

Just for Today

v Just for today, I will live through this day only.  I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow.  I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems.  I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

v Just for today, I will be happy.  I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. 

v Just for today, I will accept what is.  I will face reality.  I will correct things I can correct and accept those I cannot.

v Just for today, I will improve my mind.  I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

v Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable.  I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I will not speak ill of others.  I’ll improve my appearance, speak softly and not interrupt when someone else is talking.  I’ll refrain from improving anybody but myself.

v Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health.  If I am a smoker, I’ll quit.  If I’m overweight, I’ll eat healthily-if only for today.  And just for today, I’ll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it is only around the block.

v Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my actions.

Being a Mom

Being a Mom is a lifelong journey. The love a Mom had for a child does not decrease when that child reached adulthood or gets married or has children of their own. The love a mother has for a child is complete and never ceases. Jennifer is sick and I wish I could be there to hold her and hug her and tell her that Mom will make her feel better. No matter how old you are, Moms make a lot of things better in life if you have her there with you. I hope my children, Jennifer and Michael, know how much I love and care for them even though they are now adults, the will always be my beautiful children and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I pray that Jennifef starts to feel better soon. And that Michael is safe on his trip to Nashville for work this week. Although they are grown up, the will always be my little girl and my little boy.

Thankfulness

I am getting ready to turn 61 in a few weeks.  When I think back on all of my  life, I feel fortunate to have had such a great childhood with wonderful parents and great brothers and sister.  I have had so many blessings over my lifetime, but the ones that I am most grateful for are my children and granddaughter. I am so proud of Michael and Jennifer.  They have both grown up to be remarkable adults and I thank God daily for them.  It makes my heart swell with pride to see them doing well, getting married and starting a family.  To help me in my old age, it was nice for Jennifer to marry Mike Kelly and for Michael to find a Jennifer to marry!! And they both have animals named Milo; one a cat, the other a dog.  So much easier on the old brain to have to remember fewer names!  My first grandchild is Anna Elizabeth Kelly.  She is named after my Mom, Jennifer's NaNa and Mike's maternal grandmother.  My Mom would be so happy to know that Jennifer named her first born after her.  Anna is such a joyful baby and her smile melts my heart.  She is the light of my life! When I look at all of the things in life that are important, God and family are at the top of the list.  I am so thankful that God has given me these wonderful gifts to love and enjoy.  I am truly blessed. 

Trying to keep on track

It is late friday afternoon and I am trying to get as much done as I can for next week.  Without Jill here, I am trying to get everything ready that she normally does every semester.  I am sure I am not doing something that has to be done, but I am doing all that I know to do.  I won't know everything until something comes up and I find out after the fact that I should have done something that I didn't know to do.  I think and pray for her every day,as I know she would much rather be doing all of this than be where she is.  I miss her immensely.  She is the buffer for me in a lot of situations.  I have worked with her and known her for 38 years and she is the kind of friend that always has your back, no matter what.  I am so praying for her to totally beat this horrible cancer. 

On another note, I have been on track so far with my food intake since January 1.  I don't want to call it a 'diet' because I want to try and make this a permanent change in my food intake.  My scales are so off that I can't tell how I am doing.  I can weigh and be one weight and then weigh a second later and have gained or lost 10 pounds! Ha!  I would like the 10 pounds lost weight if it was correct!! I go to the oncologist next week so I can see my real weight.  Hoping that I can continue to stay the course and keep my food intake where it needs to be.  My next goal is to start my exercise program.  I wanted to get it started this week, but I decided that too much change together might be a difficult course.  So I am going to develop a schedule that I can stick to starting next week.  Hoping that everything goes smooth starting the semester next week. 

Ready for a new semester

One of the things that I like about teaching is that is a beginning and end.  I am always excited to start a new semester and just as excited to end the semester.  This semester is the last semester for the second year students.  The nice thing about teaching in this field is that the graduates of our program become our colleagues upon graduation.  I am fortunate to work with many of them at CB and see many of them in our clinic sites after they graduate. Many of them become lifelong friends.  It always makes me feel good to see them grow and mature and become such a wonderful addition to the profession.  It is also great to continue to see their changes and their growth in life.  Facebook has been a great way to keep connected to former students and to see where there lives are taking them.  I guess one the best feelings in life is feeling like you have helped someone achieve a goal.  That is how I feel about teaching.  I am proud to have been a part of the education of these students and to see them reach their goals.  In an even broader view, I feel good that they are also helping others in their roles as technologists. 

Back to Work

I am back at work at the college and my goal for this year is to not let the little frustrations get to me.  Easier said than done, but if I keep repeating the phrase- it's not what life gives you, it's how you deal with it- then I will be better prepared to deal with the inevitable bumps in the road that are part of life.  So far, it has been a struggle with advising and all of the things necessary to get a new semester started, but I have a great group of faculty in my program that are willing to help.  That says a lot! Classes start next week so I am trying to get everything ready.  Since I am doing Jill's job, I really know how much work she did for the program and I have even more admiration for her. 

My first blog message

I am attempting to develop a blog for myself and my family.  Not sure how this will work, but I love reading my daughter Jennifer's blog and decided that I might want to start one.  I am starting a new weight loss journey in preparation for my son Michael's wedding on May 19, 2012.  So far I have done well, of course it is only January 3rd.  I have not gotten to the gym but I did a lot of work around the house, like taking down thew Christmas tree and decorations and cleaning out the garage, so this should count for some type of exercise.