Making it one day at a time

Well, it has been one month since Keith and I split and so far, I am actually doing okay.  Not crying uncontrollably but some crying none the less. But I have decided that I am stronger than I thought.  I like my sister's Judy's statement to me when I told her about Keith and me and she said this, "Most people under estinate their ability to change themselves, and over estimate their ability to change other people." I have found this to be so true.  We think we are weak and can't do certain things, but when it comes down to it, I am just lazy and afraid to try for fear of failure.  I have struggled with my weight all of my life, and if I want to live long enough to see Anna and other possible grandchildren to adulthood, then I need to get my weight under control.  One of my worst fears is becoming my Mom with her weight problems.  Becoming my Mom in other ways is what I aspire to become.  She was a wise and wonderful woman, but her weight made her last few years on this earth difficult.  Her arthritis kept her in pain and her size kept her from having surgery for her aortic valve stenosis which caused her congestive heart failure and eventually, her kidneys failed and could not remove all of the fluid from her lungs which took her from this earth.  I miss her everyday and I know that she would be unhappy if I let this affect my future like it did hers.  So, if  I do not want this to happen to me, so I need to get crackin' and take off this weight for good.  So this week is Lent, and I went to mass on Wednesday and made a promise to Jesus and God that I would give up sugar for Lent and that I would promise to go to church each week in Lent, which of course is difficult, when I work every Sunday morning, so I will go on Saturday or Sunday afternoon or night.  I also made a promise to exercise at least 3 times each week.  I am going to make myself go today!!  I used to go every week but then I stopped and it is hard to get back into it.  I am kind of afraid to return to the gym because I am so out of shape and will be embarrassed when people see me trying to work out.  But I saw something on Facebook that said "your desire to change has to be more than your desire to stay the same." I don't desire to stay the same but it is easier than doing something to change.  I just need to keep my eyes on the prize of extending my life. And remember that I am strong and that if I put my mind to it, I can achieve most anything that I want in life.  It will also keep my mind off Keith and worrying about being all alone in life.  When I start to feel like I need a pity party in my honor, I remember Jennifer, Mike and Anna and Michael and Jennifer and I feel like I am so very lucky to have such a great family that loves me no matter how much I screw up in life and no matter how crazy I am.  I am so fortunate to have such loving children and granddaughter, and wonderful brothers and sister.  Judy has been my rock during the Keith leaving times.    And so far as I know, my health is holding it's own.  I pray for Jill daily for her continued improvement, especially for  her bone marrow stem cell transplant.  When I start to feel down, I open Jen's blog and look at Anna and I immediately feel better.  I am so happy that she is coming to visit tomorrow.  That will certainly keep me going for a while.  I am surviving at the college, since Sarajane is working on the golf scramble, we have something thst will keep is focused.  And Spring break is only a few weeks away!! Yay!!  I thank God for all of my blessings and I am grateful for all that I have in this world!!