Making Progress

Well, I have lost 12 pounds so far!! I feel great about this.  Need to keep it up! I also made it to church on Sunday and to the gym.  So I feel like I have made some progress this week.  This weekend was great!! Jen and Anna came to visit and Michael and Jennifer came over and we went out for dinner at Ramsey's.  It was so good to have my children and granddaughter together.  This really boosted my spirits.  I love having my family together.  Anna is so cute and sweet and cheerful.  She smiles and melts my heart.  I can't wait for March 10th to see her again.  I hope the weather is still good and we can go for a walk maybe.  That is the weekend before spring break and I am really looking forward to that.  Maybe I can get some organizing done in the house and garage.  I can pull my car in but it is still tight, so maybe I can get rid of some of the junk.  This has been such a great winter.  I can't believe it has been above 60 degrees and sunny for the past few days.  Not that I am complaining but I hope winter doesn't wait until March to show us snow and cold temps.  We are learning a new computer system at the college today so that we can take all of our old x-ray films and scan them and store them electronically and view them on the computer monitor like the hospitals do now.  But this means I have to learn another computer system, and I am not the computer type.  Mom used to say she was a BC nurse, which meant Before Computers.  She would be amazed at how much is on computers now.  CBH is going to a paperless system and the doctors are entering all of their own orders in the computers and the nurses are doing all of their nursing notes on the computer.  I am starting to feel like her in that technology is moving too fast.  But I will go any learn as much as I can and hope that Shelley, who is younger and more computer savvy, can help me when I get stuck.  I am thankful today for another wonderful day and for all of my blessings. 

Making it one day at a time

Well, it has been one month since Keith and I split and so far, I am actually doing okay.  Not crying uncontrollably but some crying none the less. But I have decided that I am stronger than I thought.  I like my sister's Judy's statement to me when I told her about Keith and me and she said this, "Most people under estinate their ability to change themselves, and over estimate their ability to change other people." I have found this to be so true.  We think we are weak and can't do certain things, but when it comes down to it, I am just lazy and afraid to try for fear of failure.  I have struggled with my weight all of my life, and if I want to live long enough to see Anna and other possible grandchildren to adulthood, then I need to get my weight under control.  One of my worst fears is becoming my Mom with her weight problems.  Becoming my Mom in other ways is what I aspire to become.  She was a wise and wonderful woman, but her weight made her last few years on this earth difficult.  Her arthritis kept her in pain and her size kept her from having surgery for her aortic valve stenosis which caused her congestive heart failure and eventually, her kidneys failed and could not remove all of the fluid from her lungs which took her from this earth.  I miss her everyday and I know that she would be unhappy if I let this affect my future like it did hers.  So, if  I do not want this to happen to me, so I need to get crackin' and take off this weight for good.  So this week is Lent, and I went to mass on Wednesday and made a promise to Jesus and God that I would give up sugar for Lent and that I would promise to go to church each week in Lent, which of course is difficult, when I work every Sunday morning, so I will go on Saturday or Sunday afternoon or night.  I also made a promise to exercise at least 3 times each week.  I am going to make myself go today!!  I used to go every week but then I stopped and it is hard to get back into it.  I am kind of afraid to return to the gym because I am so out of shape and will be embarrassed when people see me trying to work out.  But I saw something on Facebook that said "your desire to change has to be more than your desire to stay the same." I don't desire to stay the same but it is easier than doing something to change.  I just need to keep my eyes on the prize of extending my life. And remember that I am strong and that if I put my mind to it, I can achieve most anything that I want in life.  It will also keep my mind off Keith and worrying about being all alone in life.  When I start to feel like I need a pity party in my honor, I remember Jennifer, Mike and Anna and Michael and Jennifer and I feel like I am so very lucky to have such a great family that loves me no matter how much I screw up in life and no matter how crazy I am.  I am so fortunate to have such loving children and granddaughter, and wonderful brothers and sister.  Judy has been my rock during the Keith leaving times.    And so far as I know, my health is holding it's own.  I pray for Jill daily for her continued improvement, especially for  her bone marrow stem cell transplant.  When I start to feel down, I open Jen's blog and look at Anna and I immediately feel better.  I am so happy that she is coming to visit tomorrow.  That will certainly keep me going for a while.  I am surviving at the college, since Sarajane is working on the golf scramble, we have something thst will keep is focused.  And Spring break is only a few weeks away!! Yay!!  I thank God for all of my blessings and I am grateful for all that I have in this world!!

Trying to keep moving forwrad

Well, it has been 10 days since Keith left.  I miss him and I am sure that Sophie and Punkin do.  They have been coming out to see me more and staying close to me, which probably helps them and me also.  You don't spend every day with someone for 5 years + and not miss them when they are gone.  I haven't heard from him and I know how stubborn he can be, so I am just moving forward and making it through today.  So I am posting my Just for Today saying that I got from Dear Abby, which she posts on New Year's Day every year.  I will try to live my life like this as best as I can.  I do not know what will happen to Keith and me in the future, but I can make it through today with God's help.  My friends and family are my strength.  When ever I feel down, I look at Anna on Jen's blog and play the video of her talking and it makes me smile.  I have such a great family and I am so blessed to have the wonderful children that I have.  Michael and Jennifer are coming over tonight to help me with the TV after the lightning took out the old ones.  It will make my day much brighter to see them.  I am thankful that both my children married or will soon marry wonderful spouses! I couldn't ask for a better son-in-law or daughter-in-law! I makes me happy to know that my children are happy.  When I think about Keith being gone, I am sad.  I wish he could understand my feelings but I am sure he doesn't understand my concerns about him.  But even though I am sad, I am keeping my head up and smiling.  We all only have today, we are not guarranteed tomorrow.  I will follow the plan in Just for Today and be happy for all that I have and not be sad. 

Just for Today

v Just for today, I will live through this day only.  I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow.  I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems.  I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

v Just for today, I will be happy.  I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. 

v Just for today, I will accept what is.  I will face reality.  I will correct things I can correct and accept those I cannot.

v Just for today, I will improve my mind.  I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

v Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable.  I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I will not speak ill of others.  I’ll improve my appearance, speak softly and not interrupt when someone else is talking.  I’ll refrain from improving anybody but myself.

v Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health.  If I am a smoker, I’ll quit.  If I’m overweight, I’ll eat healthily-if only for today.  And just for today, I’ll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it is only around the block.

v Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my actions.